Tag Archives: working mothers

Happy Mother’s Day, You’re Not Good Enough



So it’s Mother’s Day and you thought breakfast in bed and some chocolates were in order? Wrong. Let’s sling some hate your way. No you can’t have a day where your family says thanks, you have to have a day where other people flame you, because that’s the Ozzie way. So let me start on all the ways myself and my fellow mothers suck and deserve to be persecuted. Please note this is all done tongue in cheek… or is it. We suck!


If you’re a stay at home mum, I’m sorry but you’re lazy, and everyone hates you, especially working mums. Because apparently you do nothing all day, because mothers with full time jobs can keep their kids happy, healthy, and functioning, all whilst working full time… As they of course are doing it all we can only assume that their children are roaming the streets. Because it would be a tad hypocritical for a working mother to tell a stay at home mother that they don’t do as much as them if in fact whilst they’re at work they are paying someone to look after their kids, because that would imply looking after kids is WORK!

Working mums, sorry everybody hates you too. You selfishly work and neglect your children. You should be charging into Primary School every lunchtime so that your ten year old can suckle at your teat. Clearly you are a lesbian, feminist, child hating, man hating destroyer of society. You should be getting pleasure from being a woman and doing woman’s work. You are a burden on society because you insisting on working means we need far too much childcare and you have contributed to the destruction of traditional family values. Why not put on devil horns and be done with it.


Do you work from home like me and have flexible hours? Well you’re the most hated of the lot. You suck. You’re not a real stay at home mum because you actually want to get work done at times, and you’re not a real working mum because seriously you just sit in PJs until noon. You quite simply are the worst of all worlds. You work too much to be able to properly look after your children but you don’t work enough to be wonder woman. Some woman have it all, you have nothing. You bitches!

Do you breastfeed? You are a stuck up bitch who lords your mammary glands over everyone else. You only breastfeed because you want to show other woman that you’re better than them. In fact you probably wouldn’t care if your baby starved. You depraved nipple possessing heathen. Stop being so stuck up, we know you have boobs, we get it. Why do you have to prove it by feeding your child? What kind of sicko feeds their child?


Do you formula feed? Wow, why did you even have children? You must hate them. You don’t want to breastfeed so much that your bitter little nip nips won’t even express a drop of precious golden milk just as God intended. Why don’t you just feed your child heroine because that’s what formula is!?! Stop acting like it is some sort of scientifically created nourishment that will help you feed your hungry child. It’s toxic garbage.

Do you mix feed? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you pro feeding or something? You just care that a child is happy, healthy and fed? Pick a side you sicko! You’re as bad as mothers who work from home with flexible hours. You’re not enough of anything. For shame.


Do you make updates about how proud you are of your children? Well stop. Nobody wants to read about the good things in your life. In fact you must only be writing good things because you are a closet child hater. You’re covering your arse. Bastard. I cannot believe you are so twisted that you think your friends would actually want to take joy in the things that make you happy. As if friends care about your happiness. Next tell me about how happy you are with your exercise regime. As if I take joy in your joy. Taking joy in other people’s achievements is weird. We must all be miserable and bitter.

Do you make updates asking questions or asking for support during difficult times? If you were a good mum then you would know the answers. You’re just a drama queen looking for people to give you sympathy. How dare you want sympathy on a hard day? How dare you expect your friends to love and support you? You’re a mother, you don’t deserve love and respect and support anymore.


Do you exercise? Yes? Well isn’t that nice for you. Your children must be running the streets injecting heroine into their eyeballs whilst you do that. There is no possible way for you to do that if you are looking after your children properly. If you love your children you will be spending time with them, not taking thirty minutes a day to exercise.

Do you exercise? No? You disgust me and are an embarrassment to your children. Not only that, you are a terrible influence on your kids. Your disgustingly unhealthy lifestyle is rubbing off on your children. They are going to become sedentary and just sit watching TV all day. Because that’s what you do, if you’re not exercising you must be just sitting on your butt doing nothing. If you loved your children you would be exercising and demonstrating a positive lifestyle to them.

Are you a single mum? You’ve ruined your children’s lives because you haven’t provided them with a stable home, because a stable home isn’t about love and support it’s about how many parents are in the house.

Are you part of a couple or married? You intolerant, fake, human being. Your smugness sickens me. Your kids will be jerks because you think you’re better than everyone else because you have a traditional home life.


Are you a lesbian mum? See – Are you a single mum? You and your wonton ways will be the ruin of our society, the ruin.

Did you have a vaginal birth. Ewww. Your sons will hate vag now so will be gay and your daughter will love it so will be lesbians.

Did you have a C section. Wow, too posh to push, I don’t care about your health conditions and how you and your baby/babies could die, or you could be permanently incontinent. You posh bitch.

And now for the latest round of shaming that I never even dreamed was possible, courtesy of Facebook. Did you keep your child in your belly for long enough. Here’s the status update chaining its way around.

In honor of Mother’s day, post the name, birthday, due date, and weight of your child(ren). Then post in comments so your fellow mothers can post onto their wall.

Due Date: 

If you are before your due date, in particular if you are more than three weeks beforehand (37 weeks is full terms so you are still okay and your fanwah is functional from 37-39 weeks, I guess, not perfect just okay, don’t get too proud of your nethers), you have a sucky vagina. If you are late with big babies, you’re a lazy chocolate eating beast who poisoned your child in the womb. If you had it on the due date, you’re anal. Good luck with that.


So just let it be known, whatever kind of mamma you are, you suck. So no happy Mother’s Day to you. You suck, and society hates you and guess what, so do other mums. So have a Sucky Mother’s Day, ya bitch!


Although, just a little side note away from the general humour of this piece, if you have friends who come from abusive backgrounds, perhaps you shouldn’t be raving on about Mother’s Day to them. It’s a little like pouring salt in their wounds because they don’t have a lovely mamma like you to celebrate, and they’re probably quite sad about that. So maybe show them some love too. Compassion.

Confessions of a Mad Mooer: New Mother Workshops



Yesterday morning I met with a lovely life coach who had stumbled across my blog. Her special area of interest is new mothers and to this end she wishes to put on a series of workshops and panel discussions next year.  I was meeting with her because she is interested in having me on one of the panels. I’ll keep you updated next year.

After Lathamgate yesterday it is more important than ever to host these events for new mothers. Latham indicated that if you work you don’t love your kids, if you take medication you’re a coward, if you do anything at all for yourself you’re selfish. But this is hardly the first attack levelled against mothers. There’s a whole industry out there just to guilt mothers. If you use controlled crying your child will be psychologically damaged, if you cosleep your child will end up with an Oedipus Complex plus never be able to sleep on their own, if you give your baby mushy food it goes against nature, if you don’t give your baby mushy food they won’t be able to digest enough nutrients, you have to exclusively breast feed for at least six months preferably 24 months if you truly want your kid to be healthy,  if you don’t bottle feed you won’t know how much your child is consuming,  if you use disposable diapers you are killing the environment by increasing landfill,  if you use cloth nappies you are killing the environment through water pollution, if you put your baby in a forward facing pram they are traumatised because they have lost their connection with you, if you put them in a backward facing pram they’re development is impaired by lack of new stimulation,  if you put them in a pram of any kind you aren’t bonding with your baby because you must wear your baby, if you wear the incorrect carrier you are causing your children hip dysplasia,  if you walk near your child as they play you’re over parenting and denying them the ability to explore,  if you let your child out of arms reach they could get hurt or stolen and you’re an irresponsible parent, it takes a community to raise a child, grandparents are overused, too many kids are in childcare. I could go on. There isn’t an area where mothers aren’t judged. So not surprisingly, what I have termed,  Postnatal Anxiety,  is at an all time high. So that’s why we as mothers need to stand up and say ENOUGH. Different but safe choices are fine. Any event, cause, article, program that helps mothers to do that is invaluable.

As most people know, I’m a bit of a writer (a lot of a ranter) and I do enjoy a good Writers’ Festival. I think it’s time that we had Mother Festivals. Not Mother and Baby shows where merchandise is pushed on us and there are one or two speakers but an actual festival that focuses on connections and relationships rather than products. I was at the Emerging Writers’ Roadshow the other week and as always the first panel was 5×5. Five authors sat down and gave the five best pieces of advice they wished they had when they started writing. This same premise could be used for a mothers festival. Panels on multiple births, ethical responsibilities, juggling work, staying at home, maintaining a sense of identity,  Postnatal Depression are just the tip of the iceberg for discussions to be put on in various rooms. Sure, have a market where people can buy stuff but we’ve got enough festivals for consumerism,  so just have that small and on the side. Let’s get the focus back where it needs to be, support and wellbeing,  not judgement or product placement.

Now go out and hug a fellow mother today and tell her you respect the heck out of her.


Any women who suffer from any form of depression or anxiety are welcome to join my own FB group which is pro mystical troll but doesn’t allow any nasty trolling.



If you or someone you know has postnatal depression you can find good resources on the following sites:

  1. Gidget Foundation http://gidgetfoundation.com.au/
  2. PANDA http://www.panda.org.au/
  3. PIRI http://www.piri.org.au/
  4. Black Dog Institute http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
  5. Lifeline https://www.lifeline.org.au/