Screen Time ABC, Season 1, Episode 3: #ABCScreenTime

Episode three is here. Get ready for discussions on Thor: Ragnarok and the revival of Curb Your Enthusiasm. But first Chris Taylor has to introduce his panel. Sophie Black and Sami Shah are back. They’re possibly never allowed to leave, they’ve been in all three episodes. Judith Lucy is making her second appearance. And Marc Fennell is making his first appearance. He giggles when Chris introduces him, we all fall in love instantly.

Chris says that before they get to Thor and Curb they have a more pressing issue to discuss. The Bachelorette final. He quips that millionaire winner of Sophie Monk’s heart, Stu, is the first person with money to be near Ten in months. It’s funny because it’s true. We get to see Jarrod looking sad because he was rejected and Stu making a bogan declaration of love. STRAYA!

Now onto the real stuff, not that I’m suggesting The Bachelorette isn’t 100% real. Chris introduces Thor: Ragnarok with a joke about red haired people, Ragnarok / Rangarok. NO! He says it’s the most enjoyable superhero film he has seen in years. I mean, it’s good and all… but has he seen Wonder Woman? I know DC and Marvel are different universes but he said superhero movie not MARVEL superhero movie so it’s fair game.

Marc agrees that it’s a good flick. Says some of the past Marvel films have been a bit samsies but this was fresher. He credits Taika Waititi with this direction.

Lucy did not like it. I repeat, did not like.

Sophie felt that it was pretty, pretty good, but that Waititi was lumped with the lamest superhero. Oh come on, there are way worse superheroes than Thor. Have you heard of Wonder Man? A faint green glow can be seen as Sami starts to Hulk up next to her. He tells her that he respects her right to have a wrong opinion, after all people didn’t appreciate Citizen Kane when it first came out. He says that Thor: Ragnarok is the Casablanca of our era. Again, has nobody here seen Wonder Woman?

Lucy, yet again interjects that she did not like it. Sophie says that Korg, the character Waititi played, needs his own film. Lucy agrees that he was the best part of the film. Everyone agrees that they loved him and he was the best.

Let 2017 be known as the year the rest of the world realised Taika Waititi is the man they never knew they wanted to shag 🐯

— Maria Lewis = YES 🌈 (@moviemazz) July 25, 2017

Lucy then drops a bombshell. She suggests that comics are not for women. *Throws my comic book collection at the TV* Kidding, I’d never do that, it’d take too long and I might damage my precious.
Sami says that most of the people at the screening he was at were women and that comics are becoming less gendered. Lucy asks what the appeal of comics is for Sami, was he just a nerdy kid? My relationship with Lucy is moving from total hero worship to it’s complicated. Sami says, pretty much. He was a kid who was sick of getting pantsed and if he was the Hulk they wouldn’t be able to do it. He just wanted to be someone who kept their pants on, damn it! I know Hulk’s get torn and stuff but the idea is still beautiful.

Marc says that Marvel is unambitious about social commentary. Oh. My. God. Somebody drop Maria Lewis in here to sort this out.

 

There is so much about acceptance and struggle in Marvel comics. Marvel gave us the first black character who didn’t have black in their title, Storm. That’s pretty huge. Okay, he has mentioned that X-Men 2 actually did have depth, just feels some of the others are lacking buy mentions there is light and shade in the universe. I retract the SHUT YOUR MOUTH dispatch. Soz.

Meme of Maria Lewis courtesy of Alan Baxter

Chris asks why does Marvel have so many films coming out right now and why are they focused on overlaps instead of stand-alone hero movies? Sophie suggests that they have so many out because they do well because they are a global brand. Lots of Hollywood’s audience is now from outside of America and so they need stuff that isn’t quite so self-focused.

Everybody knows who Batman and Superman is. Sami also points out that it’s that way in the comics, duh. I yell at the TV screen, EVERYBODY LOVES CROSSOVERS YOU FOOLS!

At the end of the day, Thor: Ragnarok has Karl Urban in it, so I suggest everybody watches it.

Now it’s time for Take 5. They’ve moved it to the middle of the show and I like that. It fits better here. They’re doing 5 most regrettable Marvel superhero moments.
5. The Incredible Hulk 1988

4. Dr. Strange 1978

3. Spiderman 1978

2. The Fantastic Four 1994

1. Captain America 1979

Let’s be honest, those are not the most regrettable moments. They’re some funny older TV shows, there are far worse Marvel superhero moments on the screen. They are, however, hilarious.

Now it’s time for Curb Your Enthusiasm. Lucy says she used to love it, she bought the DVDs, but now she couldn’t care if Larry David lived or died. I get the impression that her enthusiasm has been curbed. Sophie says that it still has its moments but is a little dated and falls flat at times. Okay, maybe don’t curb your enthusiasm quite so much. Somebody show some enthusiasm.

Sami is bringing the enthusiasm. He is yet to be curbed. He says it is as funny and offensive as ever. Phew, I thought this was going to be a brutal slaughter.

Chris suggests that Larry David is rude but he is always right. People shouldn’t have too many samples, people shouldn’t have to say ‘sorry for your loss,’ after two years. Marc disagrees. Although sample abuse is deeply upsetting to his very soul, he does not always side with Larry.

Chris says that Curb Your Enthusiasm’s style was unique with its quirky music and shaky camera work. In fact the music has inspired a whole heap of YouTube clips where people put the music over the end of scenes. They put it over the end of a Star Wars clip. The bit where Darth reveals he is Luke’s father. It’s pretty, pretty good. But I really love this clip of Donald Trump’s voice being used for Darth Vader. I cry with laughter every time I watch it so I’m just going to use this as an excuse to leave it here, you’re welcome.

I’m not sure if my passion for Curb Your Enthusiasm has been reignited but my love of YouTube certainly has.

Now for the panelist recommendations of what we should be watching this week:
Marc recommends – The Good Place

Sophie recommends – Chewing Gum

Sami Recommends – Active Shooter

Judith recommends – Edge of the Bush

And what the deuce. Chris is recommending something. He never recommends anything. What is happening? He recommends Spartacus. They’re showing the clip of everyone standing up and saying ‘I’m Spartacus.’ So moving… Ohhhhhhh, they’re playing the Curb Your Enthusiasm music over it. Amusing. I’m amused.

And so that’s the end… Did they say what we’re watching next week? I must have missed it, too busy talking to my wine about my extensive knowledge of comic books and what I would have put in as the worst moments of superhero TV. I guess I’ll just make it up what was chosen. Damn me and my lack of paying attentioness! Errr… For the movie, Suburbicon. They went blockbuster this week, artsy the week before, why not a weird one next week? I think it might be too early for Murder on the Orient Express. Think the release date is the week after. But I could be mixed up. I’ll probably be watching My Little Pony because I promised my daughter, pray for me. As for the TV show, Ghosted. I have no reason why I have predicted it. None. Maybe because it’s Halloween today? Who knows? If they’re in reboot fever why not Will & Grace. I, love, that, show!

And they’re playing us out with a clip from The Bachelorette, it’s Jarrod’s rejection. Curb Your Enthusiasm music is being played over it and it is the best version yet. This is BRILLIANT! Champagne comedy. What a brilliant end.

For last week’s recap look here

Catch up on past episodes on iView here

Read why I think Stan Lee deserves a Nobel Prize in Literature here

Find out what Kerri Sackville says is the most realistic part of The Bachelorette here

Tweet with Sami Shah here

Tweet with Sophie Black here

Tweet with Marc Fennell here

Tweet with me here

Get tickets to the live recording here (they give you lollies, I repeat, they give you lollies)

Panic about NaNoWriMo everywhere.

Screen Time ABC, Season 1, Episode 2: #ABCScreenTime

Panelists Sophie Black and Sami Shah

It’s time for episode two of Screen Time. The crowd is applauding, montages are flying, gorgeous 70s images and half-naked people can be seen. This isn’t just a convivial discussion of movies, it’s gritty and real. Nothing says that like nudity. Deal with it! 

Chris Taylor appears and is speaking but I cannot hear a word he says for there is an angel at his side. It is the one, the only, Judith Lucy. The crowd goes wild, and by the crowd, I mean myself and my amaretto sour. I cannot even begin to express how excited I am right now. Chris introduces the other panelists, Sami Shah is back, as is Sophie Black, along with first timers, JUDITH LUCY, and Michael Williams. I know that I have a nickname for him from my Book Club ABC recaps but for the life of me cannot remember what it is, so for now, it’ll just be Michael.

Small House Keeping Matter: I’m dyslexic. If you hate reading anything written by dyslexic writers you should probably just leave now. (The changing font sizes have nothing to do with my dyslexia and everything to do with my ineptitude. On my draft everything is uniform, I hit publish, CHAOS. Just treat it as a metaphor for existence.)

Chris tells us that we are getting straight to business. He’s pulling no punches and is going to the most pressing Hollywood news at the moment, Weinstei…. Oh, wait. My mistake. Got to eager. Chris plays a clip saying that Sex and the City 3 has been benched FOREVER.

Nobody seems too cut up about it.
Now they really are talking Weinstein. Harvey or Bob, take your pick. Chris asks the panelists if Hollywood should have seen this scandal coming. Judith gives a great big nope. Nope, they shouldn’t have seen it coming because they had been doing it for so long and nobody cared. Sophie agrees that the surprising and refreshing thing is that people finally care. Sophie says that it was an open secret. Wait, was that just a sneaky reference to the documentary that attempted to expose the rampant pedophilia in Hollywood? I think it was. Good work.

Chris points out the Meryl Streep was one of the first celebrities to condemn it but said many didn’t know of what was going on. On the other hand Anthony LaPaglia says, pigs arse. Okay, he didn’t literally say that, but he is Australian so I’d like to think that those were the words he thought. He says people have known about it for decades and done nothing. Michael says that the very least people can do is refuse to work with people that are, ‘criminal, depraved and monstrous.’ It’s a pretty low bar and everyone needs to step up to it.

Sami points out that he has worked in advertising, which means he understands all things depravity related, and that those behaviours are common there. But they are also common in the Australian media (I am waiting with baited breath to read Tracey Spicer’s article where she will name well known abusers), in accounting, and down at the corner shop. He says that society needs to step up, society is complicit, not just individuals.

Judith says that everyone needs to stand up. Quintin Tarantino has now spoken about it, but where was he before. Why wasn’t he demanding it stopped earlier? (Just quietly same with Kevin Smith? But maybe because men who didn’t come from fancy backgrounds were merely clinging on also. Maybe the dyslexic director who had trouble getting films made to begin with  felt like he couldn’t rock the boat, nor the dude who maxed out his credit cards to make his first movie….)

Sophie calls bullshit on all those men coming out saying that because they have a daughter they now understand. She says they shouldn’t care because they have a woman that belongs to them, but because women are people and deserving of respect. The fact that they only think of women’s rights in terms of if one has been formed from their sperm or not is a big part of the effing problem!!!!

Anyway, let’s get to discussing movies before I pass out in rage.
They’re discussing Good Time. Chris says that it is a heist film with Robert Pattinson playing the lead character who robs a bank along with his brother who has a generalised neurodevelopment disorder. Everything seems to be going too easily, they get the money without too much issue, but when they open up the bags to check for money…… BOOM, burning red paint everywhere. Kids at home, crime does not pay. Pattinson is then forced to get increasingly bad hair styles in order to free his brother.

Sami says that this movie is designed for arty types who wear clothes from the 1800s, have waxed moustaches, and laugh too loudly at bad jokes just to prove that they got them. He felt it could have benefited from adding some robots or spaceships. What film couldn’t be improved with just a smackle of sci fi? Sami, we have so much to discuss.

Michael disagrees. He says he liked Good Times and it had good stuff in it. Take that Sami, it had good stuff in it. A lot of good stuff. He speaks of cinematography and lighting. Excuse me whilst I pause the TV to see if there are any traces of a waxed moustache having been glued to Michael’s face recently…. Hmmmm, I can’t decide.

Judith says it was a nightmare. Sophie adds that the soundtrack was nightmare inducing.
Chris asks if this film will finally give Pattinson cred and drop him from the team idol list. Chris really liked Pattinson’s performance in this. Said he has never been so good. The other panelists answer, maybe. Judith says Orlando Bloom never lost his teen idol status, but it was because he didn’t make brave movie choices. I’m sure that swimming in an ocean of money earned from Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean has helped him come to terms with his choices. I quite enjoyed him in Ned Kelly.
So it looks like Good Times has been rated two nightmares, a good stuff, and a pickled moustache.

And now it is time for the middle of the show segment. Please be Sophie Monk again, pleasebesophiemonkpleasebesophiemonk. It is Not On My Watch.  Essentially Chris will tell us about a show he doesn’t like. Tonight’s pick is Cosmetic Coffee and it is on 7. Oh my goodness, it is hideous. Basically a cosmetic surgeon meets with patients in cafes, then goes back to his office making me wonder why he didn’t just start there, and then draws on them and lets them know what he finds gross about them, then he operates on them. So it is essentially advertising for his business. Chris finishes off the segment by saying advertorial dressed up as a medical show, not on my watch.
Whose watch did that happen on? Seriously! Who greenlit that?  I’ve got a show about a minotaur, a plucky journalist and hot cop uncovering the supernatural sex slave industry just waiting to be made. Call me. CALL MEEEEE! If you can make that shit, why not mine? Not that mine is shit. Mine is awesome and the best….

TV time!  Chris is introducing The Deuce currently playing on Foxtel. It is David Simon’s latest masterpiece. The montage is playing and it is high quality with a star studded cast. People such as James Franco and Maggie Gyllenhaal are in it. Chris says that Franco plays twins. And I’m laughing. I cannot stop laughing. Does anyone remember that Jean Claude Van Damme movie Double Impact?

It was so hilariously badgood. That’s all that I can think of right now. Hollywood, you know that you do actually have actors that are identical twins? You can stop doing the bad copying and disjointed back and forth. Just hire some of them. But enough about me, let’s see what the panel think.

Michael says he loves it. The cast is massive so rewards patience as it is revealed at a slow pace. Judith also loves David Simon and loved the show except for one tiny thing, James Franco. She also didn’t like James Franco as his twin, or as Judith puts it, the same person just wearing a hat. With or without a hat, she’s not interested.

Chris points out that Franco fans will get double their joy and then shows a clip. I’m guessing it is the worst example of his twin acting because I am rolling. Rolling. And yes, I am going to go there, as a mother of identical twin boys (I never thought I’d get to work an as a mother into a recap) this is hilarious. It’s the same guy. It’s the same guy with a different wig. It is not twins. Twins are not the same person. Identical twins are not the same person. If the great Jean Claude Van Damme, renowned across the land for his versatile acting skills could not pull this off…. Actually, now that I think about it I felt that Sam Underwood did a brilliant job plating identical twins in The Following. Such a hypocrite. I also loved the film Big Business which had two sets of twins. Bette Middler and Lily Tomlin were spectacular and I watched it seven billion times.

Michael of course loves it, because he has loved everything. What happened to Michael? He was the snarky one on The Book Club ABC, now he’s the lover? Showing his versatility, his softer side? I should appreciate it.

Don’t wink at me, Franco.

Sophie says she loves the show and she loves Simon because he is an angry patriot. He can give such loving yet searing critique of his country and society. Which is the perfect segue into talking about David Simon’s other work. Gotta hand it to Sophie, she’s profesh.
All the panelists agree that The Wire was fantastic. Sami ads that it is a take on Greek myths, where Gods play cruelly with the life of mortals. In The Wire corporations and powerful people are the Gods.

Chris asks why Simon’s other show, Treme, not take off. Sami says it is for two reasons. Firstly, too soon. It could never live up to the hype of The Wire because nothing could. Secondly, the focus was narrow. It was about jazz, and food, and what people perceived as things not pertinent to them, but he personally loved it.
The verdict is in, The Deuce is an absolute cracker and I want to watch it.

Time for Screen Time’s  Top Five. What will they be looking at this week? TWINS. Top five awfully portrayed identical twin kind of things.

Is nothing sacred?

Speaking of teen idols

This was bad

The king is dead

Knight Rider doing his thing

The list was good, but where the fuck was Double Impact???

And last but not least, the panelists get to recommend something for us to watch.
Michael: Sunshine

Sami: Patton Oswalt’s Annihilation

Sophie: Get Krack!n

Judith: I Love Dick

Robin: Screen Time (Okay, I’m not a panelist, but watch the show.)

And because we’ve all been so good, they’re going to show us a clip of David Hasselhoff fighting David Hasselhoff to end on. Because even David Hasselhoff wants to punch David Hasselhoff in the face.

Catch up on previous episodes on iView

Find Screen Time here

See last week’s recap here

Check out Chris here

Feast on Michael William’s glorious Ropinpedia entry here

Tweet with Sophie here

Buy Sami’s books here

Get tickets to Judith Lucy’s show here. Sydney based people can feel free to buy me a ticket too while you’re at it, I am delightful company.

Learn more about me here

Grab Tracey Spicer’s book here

Read Lauren Ingram’s piece on the issue with Weinstein and facing your abuser here

Read what Australian director Sophie Mathisen has to say about Weinstein and the Australian industry here

Screen Time ABC, Season 1, Episode 1: #ABCScreenTime

Today is the day, the very first episode of Screen Time. Chris Taylor, the host is looking excited. Excited and nervous. Excited, nervous, and desperate. You better like this show or ABC will axe even more stuff. No pressure. 

He tells us that we’re here to discuss movies, and television AND Youtube AND streaming and some other stuff. This isn’t just the reboot of At the Movies with the divine Margaret Pomeranz and scrumptious David Stratton, it’s At the Movies on steroids. More panelists, more mediums, more sexual chemistry. More more. But Chris is not just bringing intense personal magnetism, NO, he’s also bringing the smarts. So much so that he’s proving it by  flashing up a whole heap of numbers on the screen. Nothing says smart and sexy like data. If those graphics don’t justify why he gets to have this show nothing will.

Small housekeeping matter: I’m dyslexic, if you hate dyslexia and feel people with dyslexia should be mocked, go away.

Chris is introducing his panel of experts. There’s Sami Shah, Sophie Black, Zan Rowe, and Benjamin Law. Those of you who follow my recaps of The Book Club ABC will know I refer to him as BLaw. BLaw of the bare ankles…. What the deuce! He’s wearing red socks. I’m so confused. I updated his Wikipedia page to include his signature bare ankles and now he’s wearing socks. I’m scared. Hold me. No, not like that. Maybe he’s trying to draw the #sockwatch crowd over from The Book Club ABC? Now that they’ve been mercilessly axed.

But enough mourning, let’s engage with this new show. Chris tells us that they’ll be discussing Blade Runner 2049, which is a nice touch, a movie that’s new but already released so that we, the audience, have a chance to have an opinion too. It’s not a soon to be released with critics talking at us like so many other movie shows. Chris assures us that Ryan Gosling gives his most emotionally dead performance yet and that it was really long. Sounds fantastic. Let’s throw to Sami for his opinion…

… and he loved it. Sami says that he loved this movie despite this movie. He says that Jarrod Leto overacts more than ever, every women is crying and it fails the Bechdel Test, BUT it was cinematographically beautiful. He’s not sure why they seemed to insert a different movie into the middle of it and why so many bad acting choices were made but he loved it and everyone can shut up because it was pretty. Really, really pretty.

Sophie says that it was masterful and that it will stay with you for life. For life! And not just because of the kidney damage you’ll get from holding your bladder because it was sooooo long.

Zan is a bit more meh. It was pretty but hadn’t advanced enough. And all the mysteries were solved insultingly quickly. I hate it when story tellers insult their audience!

BLaw found it really current with the ecology issues and the cinematography stunning and said it made him feel like he’d smoked a giant bong…. overseas in a country where that is legal I’m sure. Put down your arrest warrants. He does mention that it is a bit whitewashed… or completely whitewashed.

Sami says that as a younger nerd he would have enjoyed Blade Runner 411 even more but now he knows that women are people too so that kind of spoiled it a bit. He credits the doco Born Sexy Yesterday, the Bechdel Test, and learning about the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope with helping him develop in this area.

Chris says Harrison Ford was a better actor than Ryan Gosling. BLaw adds that Ryan Gosling is not hot. Finally, the important issues are being discussed.

The panel ponder that Blade Runner 2.0 hasn’t been the best in the earnings. Sami blames Trump and that people are stupid. Sophie says they need to appreciate the slowburn. Like a chilli sub?

And with that quiet pondering, the discussion on Blade Runner 90210 is over. Time for something new.

OMG it is glorious. I don’t quite know what is happening or why, and frankly I don’t care. All I know is that the greatest thing that you see this year is on television right now. It’s Sophie Monk inserted into the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice. They have superimposed Sophie Monks’ head over Elizabeth Bennett’s and are using her responses from The Bachelorette instead. Get on iView right now because my description cannot do this justice. It is spectacular. Please do this every week. Can they introduce a Logie for best segment? I need to go have a lie down. But I can’t because the show hasn’t ended yet.

Broad City. Yes, they’re now discussing that quiet little runaway. They’re showing clips and there is nudity and drug use. Oh my. Zan loves it and wants to be BFFs with the main characters.
BLaw says that it is filthy and tawdry. If you know BLaw then you know that means that he loves it. He also randomly reveals that he works in his undies. Hopefully there will be a follow-up episode on this very important matter.
Sophie loves that it is depicting women delighting in each other. Sammy loves that this show is finally giving women what they really want, a female Beavis and Butthead. It’s like Sami looked into my very soul and said, ‘I see you.’
Sophie also likes that it is very much Abbi and Ilana’s New York and not Woody Allen’s or Seinfeld’s New York. Chris ponders on how New York is killing it at diversity and feminism copared to LA. Totes, not like Allen or Seinfeld would be guilty of anything like Weinstein….
They’re showing another clip from the show, it involves pegging and now the panelists are saying pegging. Just start throwing Logies at this show now. The ABC are now across pegging.

They now have to compare the show Girls to Broad City because they’ve both got ladeez and therefore must be compared. Panelists have the revelation that not all things about the womenz are the same. That the shows and characters can be different. Unlike real life where we only fit into one of five personality types: Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, or dull extra. I’m the dull extra. OMG, that’s such a Miranda thing to say.
Now they’re rating the five weirdest sex scenes. You can imagine the conversations amongst producers to get this segment in.
Exec 1: Viewers love those top five things, maybe we should do a top five relevant to the episode.

Soon to be fired exec: Yes! Finally! Let’s do top five female lead ensembles. Sex in the City, Golden Girls, Xena, Girls, Broad City, Big Little Lies, The Handmaid’s Tale, Orange is the New Black, Pulling, Insecure, Daria. I’ve got so much to share with you guys. Picking just five is going to be hard. Or maybe top five sci fi shows…

Exec the third: You know what else people love?

Soon to be fired exec: Feminism?

Exec the third: Sex! Let’s do top five sex scenes.

Exec 1: Best idea ever.

So the top 5 were:

5. Howard the Duck

4. Avatar

3. The Room

2. Return of Swamp Thing

1. Showgirls in the pool. Oh yay, a movie full of abuse and rape is sexually comical.

Next the panelists get to recommend something to watch.

Sami: The Expanse

BLaw: Ali’s Wedding

Zar: Terrace House

Sophie: Tiny Kitchen

And that’s it. See you next week for more awesome talking about movies and stuff…. But not before a quick confession. I was in the audience so this is more of a director’s cut recap, has some things in it that hit the editing room floor. But the Sophie Monk / Pride and Prejudice mashable is definitely in there. Get on iView and watch it now. It will make your week!

Catch up on episodes on iView

Find Screen Time here

Find Chris here

Find BLaw here

Find Sophie here

Find Sami here

Find Zan here

Learn about the Bechdel Test here

Read about the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope here

Watch Born Sexy Yesterday here

Find out about me here