Tag Archives: seagulls

Confessions of a Mad Mooer: would you like fries with that



Ah “trolls” the gift that keeps on giving. I feel the need to use quotation marks for “trolls” to differentiate them from actual trolls who I have already said provide valuable bridge guarding services. Honestly how trolls had their reputation so maligned that they’ve gone from being loner types who guard bridges and enjoy snacking on goat loins to being a bunch of people who actively seek you out and just keep on hounding you is beyond me. Yet again I apologise to the noble troll for my use of the word “troll.” I sincerely hope society comes up with a better word soon so that you can guard your bridges in peace.

Now back to more lessons I have learned from my encounter with “trolls.” Yesterday as I walked my angels around the park I saw a woman sitting innocently eating some hot chips. Sure enough it wasn’t long before a gang of seagulls started heavying her for some of those salty sticks of goodness. First a few squawked their beaks off and then they were joined by more until the poor woman was being practically deafened. Soon after things turned ugly. The seagulls were no longer happy to sit back and cat call so launched an offensive. They wanted those tasty chips, they needed those chips. The woman soon packed up her stuff and moved somewhere else. The same thing happened. So she moved again but dumped a few chips first. The seagulls ate the chips then set chase. This continued until the woman finally left the park. It didn’t matter how many chips she gave them, it didn’t matter how many times she moved tge seagulls kept coming until she was out of the park. Seagulls just like chips. Who can blame them? Chips are delicious. Same with “trolls” or should I say “cyber seagulls.” Once they see a delicious hot morsel they must have it. It isn’t the chip’s fault that it is delicious. The chip hasn’t done anything wrong by being delicious. It simply is a delicious thing. Just like it isn’t a “cyber chip’s” fault that the “cyber seagull” seeks to devour it. Seagulls are loud aggressive things that eat chips for breakfast.

“Cyber seagulls” like real seagulls have very little capacity to respect boundaries. If you block them they will simply try to get your attention through friends’ acounts or follow you to a different platform. You see the “cyber seagull” has some deep issues. They believe that not only are they important in their own world but they must be important in yours. So when you block these self important folk they go completely troppo. I still recommend blocking them despite the fact that they will go feral on your A, it’s just that you may need to do so repeatedly to several accounts and across multiple platforms. Because the “cyber seagull” will hound you for quite some time just like the real deal. You are a tasty chip and they must eat you. For some reason they need perfect strangers to put up with their issues. The idea that someone that they have never met cuts them out of their life really bothers them. Yes it’s sad for them to live like that but it isn’t our responsibility to put up with it thinking we’re helping. It is their responsibility to stop, think about their priorities, then seek help. Being a cyber punching bag for someone does not help them and it destroys you. We need to construct our lives and our cyber lives so that it brings us as much joy and strength as possible. If we have seagulls in our life draining our energy then we need to remove them otherwise they will keep deafening us with the wail of their own needs and totally consume our own. There are trained professionals who are strong enough to withstand the noise, those with sensitive hearing don’t need to feel responsibility to do so. Simply put on your earmuffs and move on.

… Now there’s an image, a hot chip strutting around with earmuffs on whilst seagulls scream nearby. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you’re being “trolled” it’s probably because you’re awesome. You’ve brought attention to yourself by being funny, or sweet, or wise and these people just can’t stand for others to have that attention so they descend. So don’t feel bad that you’re being attacked, you’re amazing, you’re a hot chip.

I’m still battling my depression and anxiety everyday and I hope this posts helps one of my fellow soldiers. I’m not sure how long I’ll be on this journey for but I will keep you updated on my progress with more Confessions of a Mad Mooer, in particular how the death of Maya Angelou has got me thinking.