Tag Archives: nappy

Impractical Parenting: Selfie Aware Parenting

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People often say to me, “Robin,  you’ve got three under three, how do you do it? I struggle with just one/two.” I answer them as honestly as I know how, “I do it with a lot of grace, dignity and glamour.” So they ask me, “how Robin, how, can I be as graceful,  dignified and glamorous, as you?” And you know what, the answer is simple.

Start everyday by doing a load of washing… with your feet, you’ll need to use your hands to make bottles for the newborn twins, whilst doing that awkwardly hoist your toddler onto your back and scoop up twins with arms now free from bottles, put twins down whilst you get toddler milk at whatever temperature is specified today, sit down to feed twins, realise you don’t have the bottles, prop twins up on couch whilst screaming over your shoulder at your toddler to stop rubbing the babies heads and that no they don’t need her kisses because she has childcare plague, twins cough, vent a little steam from ears to reduce possibility of eye twitch, get bottles,  haul kiss happy toddler off twins, start to feed twins, develop third arm to hug toddler and a fourth to guard twins from toddler love attacks, try to explain to toddler that no she can’t have one of the babies and that although “give baby to big sister right now!” is quite an interesting argument that it fails to address some of the finer philosophical points surrounding the issue, burp twins, burp toddler who does not need to be burped but thinks it’s hilarious,  she’s right I am funny (and sexy), finish feeding boys, oh no you only think you’ll finish feeding the twins as toddler needs the potty, throw the twins to the heavens and scramble to find the potty which your husband has put “out of the way” whilst tripping over, have a potty chat always full of metaconversation, empty potty, finish feeding twins, start developing that eye twitch you thought you’d circumvented earlier, change boys nappies whilst being yelled at to “do piggy tails!” it is now 8am, put on “Frozen” because you’re brain is becoming frozen, lose track of time and space… fold the laundry whilst rocking at the end of the day.

Now of course not all days go as perfectly to plan as the one outlined above and for those days I say use “selfie aware” parenting. Here’s a little sample from today. I was changing the twins’ nappies and the toddler crawled up onto my shoulders,  totes part of the plan so far, things went slightly awry when the toddler peeed on my back and twin 2 seized the opportunity to pee on his brother’s arm. So what did I do? Took a selfie. Because quite frankly at that point there’s really nothing you can do and at least you’ll have the precious memory digitally immortalised. So if in doubt, tweet a selfie out.

You’re welcome Earth.

Impractical Parenting: the triple nappy change

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As someone with no qualifications as a paediatrician, paediatric nurse, early childhood teacher etc I thought I’d share my expert tip on how to handle a triple nappy change. I’ve got a two year old and four month old twins so this is a regular occurrence in my home.

Step1: get twin a, open nappy, stick baby’s foot in poo, when jingling the baby awkwardly in an attempt to clean foot smear poo all over change table, mop up poo, get weeed on whilst distracted by poo, place baby on playmate to avoid baby getting further soaked again, have baby pee again, quickly put on nappy and move onto play mat with twin b, finish dressing.

Step 2: change twin b next to twin a on play mat as all other surfaces are urine and poop soaked, open nappy, twin a sticks hand in twin b’s nappy, clean off twin a’s hand, whilst cleaning twin a twin b is to power spew all over himself and twin a, as changing clothes of both twins 2 year old to rip off nappy, remind 2 year old to use pottie if they need to wee, 2 year old to tell you it’s ok they can just wee on the ground and crouch and urinate on ground.

Step 3: put nappy on 2 year old, 2 year old immediately does massive poo, chase 2 year old around the house whilst they scream, “no poo, no nappy change,” eventually subdue two year old terrorist and change nappy whilst you contemplate how the poo has managed to defy time, space, gravity and sanity.

Step 4: drink soothing cup of tea whilst developing an eye twitch and thinking about newspapering your whole house.

Can’t wait to share with you how “best” to deal with three kids crying at once…