How to Cause a Storm in a Suck Cup

 

 

Today on Facebook, Mia Freedman posted a picture of herself wearing some seriously enormous panties with the caption, “You know you’re not on holidays anymore when you’re wearing your fat-sucking undies.”

 

We’ve all been there.

Some decaying, vain, creature asked which brands worked best, okay it was me – please feel free to post suggestions in the comments, many complimented her on keeping it real, and then there were the sayers of nay. How dare this woman promote being happy with yourself yet wear gut suckers from time to time? How dare she be skinnier than some people and wear control tops? The nerve! Even comments about how she was supposed to be smart so should know better. Because a big beautiful brain, being slimmer than some other people, and possessing a belief that you should be kind to yourself apparently means that you are free from any kind of insecurity.

 

It really made me think. Mainly because prior to three kids I was a size 6, but now I’m a size 8. People probably look at me and think, skinny bitch, where as I look at myself and go, ‘Fuck I’m fat.’ Now I’m not an actress, or a model, I’m not paid squillions of dollars for my appearance, so I don’t have that burning, monetary/career motivation to get myself back into shape. I still want to, and yes, after three kids, I still can get back into shape. Admittedly the last two were twins born through emergency c-section so that does complicate matters, but they are a year old now so really, enough is enough when it comes to excuses. Three weeks after my daughter I was into all of my old clothes, including the skinny jeans, and three months later I had the ab definition back. Sure add some time for twins and some time for the big C rather than the big V, but let’s be honest, I’m ‘fat’ because of me at this point not the babies. (And yes it is a pet peeve of mine when people BLAME their children for weight gain, career loss, etc. Kids don’t need that kind of guilt thrust on them.) And yes, there are other people out there larger than me, but that doesn’t make me feel less fat, just as me being slimmer than them probably doesn’t make them feel any fatter or slimmer. Because our body image is to do with the messages we tell ourselves in our heads, not what other people drive down our throats.

 

So when I saw people tearing down Ms Freedman I was slightly appalled. She’s a journalist, sure a high profile one that does TV spots, but by and large she gets to hide behind her computer in yoga pants using her brain not her appearance to get her point across. Today she had to shoot a commercial, so today she wore some gut suckers. If I had to shoot a commercial I bet I’d be wearing gut suckers, thigh suckers, push up bra, a whole heap of makeup and enough hairspray to kill a small planet. None of these things do I wear on a daily basis but I would feel the need for a public appearance. Well I assume I would, I have never shot a commercial, or TV spot. And guess what, I’d admit to it too. Why? Because I’m real and it’d be honest to let people know that I’d put my best gut forward. So to Ms Freedman, I applaud you. Thanks for showing us that everyone has issues and everyone gussies themselves up. That those perfect images and as perfect as we think and that it’s okay to want to look your best. And that wanting to look your best doesn’t mean that you suddenly don’t want people to be happy with themselves, and that it doesn’t mean that you think everyone has to do it, that are emotions about ourselves run far deeper than our thoughts about others.

 

So I’m off to do some Yoga, and when I go out to lunch with my girlies on Saturday I shall wear my gut suckers with pride. And if my girlies wear them too, then fine, if they don’t, that’s fine too. Lipstick, sparkly shoes, push up bras, perfume, or absolutely nothing. I don’t care, wear what you want to wear to make you feel good!

What Would Tara Do?

What would Tara do?

It’s no secret that I’ve got a bit of a Lady Writer Crush on Tara Moss. Of late I’ve been using expressions like, “I’m channeling my inner Moss,” and, “I totally Mossed it,” much to my friends’ amusement. And I’ll be honest, it has caught on with them. Anytime we appear particularly serene and confident when under stress we’ll say, “I see you Mossing it.” If one of us is flipping out we’ll say, “What would Tara do? Put on her lipstick and pull herself together.” I’ve actually started wearing red lipstick now. I had to go emergency purchase some the morning of Literary Speed Dating in order to “Get on Moss of it.” I’m now wearing my red lippy all over the place. This has come as a shock to people who have known me for years and are more familiar with me channeling my inner Woolf rather than Moss.

What would Virginia do?

But you know what, it works. I feel much more confident with my lip mask on. So I drink a cup of tea, put on my lipstick and high heels, and I’m ready to face the day. However,  I’ll let you in on a little secret, lean in closer, closer,  I have to italics it because I haven’t let anybody else in on the secret,  shhhhh, Tara Moss isn’t the only person I channel. Gasp. Yup. I’m a bit of a Lady Writer Crush (LWC) hussy (LWCS???). Although Tara Moss is my go to at the moment I can’t solve all the world’s problems through giving it “a red hot Moss.” So here are some more LWC that you can channel.

What would Emily Maguire do? She’d put on her pajamas and pull herself apart. Because sometimes you just need to get comfy in your sauce stained PJs to truly become one with yourself. If she was scared of something she’d go out and confront it. She’d research it, interview it, visit it, she’d get that business all taken care of because knowledge and understanding is power. Then she’d go home and get comfy. Because pyjamas are awesome.

What would Kate Forsyth do? Plaster on a smile, sip some champagne and hug her many, many books, published in many, many countries. When you’re as internationally recognised as Kate Forsyth not much phases you, so just drink champers and be fab. We all need to just shake it off with a champagne and a smile every now and then. If I was to channel pre published Kate Forsyth (translation: broke) To “Forsyth it” would mean to be focused, devoted and don’t allow for distractions or detractions. Choose your priorities and go with that. If that means skipping a few meals to do a writing course then so be it. So really,  however you “Forsyth it,” pre published or internationally celebrated,  you’ll be doing something pretty amazing. Self belief is key.

What would Nakkiah Lui do? No idea, she’s a bit like the Spanish Inquisition,  nobody expects them. The only thing I know is that she’ll challenge, she’ll be unique, she’ll probably swear and she’ll definitely make you laugh. So if you want to “Lui it” you’ll need to be able to think on your feet and always do the unexpected and BE the unexpected.

What would Margo Lanagan do? Something so profoundly brilliant that it beggars belief and then be self deprecating about it. Modesty thy name is Margo Lanagan… Ok, I haven’t channeled my inner Lanagan yet, because I haven’t written anything as brilliant as her yet, but I look forward to the day I do… because then I’ll be smug as hell instead of self deprecating.

What would Hannah Kent do? Start a bidding war over her first novel… haven’t channeled her yet either… sad face.

What would Anita Heiss do? Be ground breaking,  brilliant,  devoted and still be family oriented… I hope my daughter channels her inner Heiss, Mummy will always be here, please don’t forget me.

What would Pamela Freeman do? Say something sassy as hell and make everyone laugh, then follow it up with a ridiculously insightful comment. Pamela is cheeky, she’s funny, she’s willing to tease her writer friends on panels just to make them laugh and she follows it up with intellectual insights. In short, she’s as close as you can get to a Terry Pratchett witch in real life. So just go say what you want, write what you want, be who you want, that’s what Pamela would do, that’s why she crosses genres and age groups in her writing.

So who are you going to channel today?