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Bloody Bonza, Sheilas! #IWD2017

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Happy International Women’s Day 2017. Let’s celebrate by talking about some bloody, bonza sheilas. And for a rare change I won’t be mentioning Kate Forsyth on my list. In fact, I’m going to try to shake things up by mentioning people I haven’t really blogged about a lot before. Enjoy.

Lucy Lawless

I decided to start the entry with a New Zealander because us Ozzie’s are ALWAYS stealing stuff from our cousins from across the sea. I figured it was better to get the theft out of the way right at the start. So what makes Lucy Lawless so bloody bonza? Let’s start with Xena. I was 16 when Xena first graced my television. I had been a Hercules fan prior, I’m a mythology nerd and love action shows and movies. But then came Xena. She was so much more than any other character had ever been. Here was a powerful woman, with many skills, who never hid herself. She didn’t have a meek alter ego that she hid behind in order to fit in, she was just her. She was guilt ridden, she was seeking redemption, but she still never hid who she was. This was mind-blowing to me. And as a self loathing teen who had all their mirrors covered, this character was exactly what I needed. And Lucy Lawless played her to perfection. And then she continued on to play interesting and powerful women in other projects. I salute you Lucy Lawless, you helped save my sanity.

Magda Szubanski

You’re not Astraaaaayan if you don’t love Magda Szubanski. She has brought us so many important characters such as, Pixie-Anne, Chenille, and of course Sharon. Sharon is possibly one of the most bonza characters of all time. She loves netball, she’s a loyal friend, and she loves pashing sportsmen. Nothing more bonza then a good pash. On top of that she is a writer, an advocate, and someone who has shared their own struggles in order to help uplift and heal others. All the love to Ms Magda.

Miranda Tapsell

Okay, it’s a given that Miranda Tapsell is brilliantly talented. She can act, she can dance, she can sing. She has accolades for movies, television, and theatre alike. Modern, Shakespearean, comedy, drama, whatever, she can do it. But what makes her truly bonza is that she is on Play School. Bless her. She is my twin boys’ absolute favourite presenter and I can be guaranteed a cup of HOT tea when she is on as they sit spellbound. Thanks for being such a deadly sheila.

Candice Fox

Who is Candice Fox and what makes her so bonzaristic? Candice Fox is an internationally renowned author of Crime Fiction and protege of James Patterson. Despite this, she is not above admitting to crying in the face of rejection. At a Sydney crime event hosted by A.B. Patterson an audience member asked her how she dealt with rejection, her response was, “I cry.” She then went on to detail how she in fact cried so much in the face of rejection that she became known as the girl who cries amongst some editors. Talk about refreshing. She doesn’t pretend that rejection never bothered her, and that she’s so thick skinned she just kept going, she admitted that it did upset her. The realness is just so beautiful. Thanks for being such a bonza sheila, Candice Fox.

Judith Lucy

It is hard to find the right words to describe just how grouse Judith Lucy is. Rad? Amazballs? Brillhole? None of these seem to quite cut it. She is a comedian who keeps it completely real. She was my very first favourite comedian. And although Kitty Flanagan has caught my eye, Judith remains number 1 for me. She has a knack for phrasing things in such an understated way, yet ringing out every ounce of humour. I love her, I adore her, I worship her. I had hoped she was my long lost sister, but alas, nope. She is not my dad’s other daughter. So I’m still looking. But in the meantime I shall continue to enjoy her comedic ways.

Cass Moriarty

Cass Moriarty is an Australian writer who not only writes beautifully, you should read The Promise Seed, but also tirelessly advocates for other Australian writers. I honestly have no idea how she finds time to write because she is always putting up reviews of other authors and sharing their achievements. I assume there is some sort of dark magic at play, where she doesn’t need to sleep, but I am eternally grateful that she has chosen to use her powers for good instead of evil. You bloody ripper.

Nakkiah Lui

Passionate, eloquent, inspiring. These three words pretty much sum up Nakkiah Lui. I have had the great pleasure of hearing her speak at events quite a few times. I also stood behind her at a bar once, and freaked out and thought about throwing myself at her and telling her that I loved her, but managed to get some self control. The first time I heard her speak was at an Emerging Writers’ Festival Roadshow. She was so raw, and she swore and she wasn’t afraid to disagree with other panelists. I watched her in awe. I was so used to seeing panelists trying to be awfully polite, and just try to go along with everything, and if they disagreed do it with a compliment sandwich, but Nakkiah just spoke her mind. It is this realness that makes Nakkiah not just bloody bonzer, but deadly. Also, just quietly, she’s part of my current fav comedy show, Black Comedy. Check it out if you haven’t.

L.A. Larkin

Or Louisa as I call her. Louisa is this internationally recognized crime writer, who speaks to the little people such as myself. She’s just so generous and giving with her time and full of great advice. If you ever get a chance to go to any of her author talks or workshops, GO! She just has such an easy going nature, and a great sense of humour that you just enjoy sitting in her presence and learning. And the most bonza part of all is that she came to as an Australia as a backpacker just to drink and have an awesome time, rather than for self exploration or academic reasons. She also approves of having a quite sip of wine in order to silence the inner critic when writing. What a rad farken sheila.

Kirsty Mac

A comedian, a bonzer unit, a sayer of things. But not only that, she’s a person of extreme self control. You know what happened today, this very day of woomanhood? Kirsty Mac saw a hot piece of tail walking along the street as she was parked at the traffic lights. And you know what she did? Or should I say, she didn’t do? She showed almost superhuman restraint and didn’t scream out the window at him to compliment him and let him know just how fine he was and how much she admired his visage. Let’s all raise a glass to Kirsty, may we see her perform, may we become more like her, in her restrained, and humble manner.

Tania Chandler

Writer of crime, hard worker, sayer of amusing things. She takes the archetypes of crime and then shuffles them around so to put the women into the main roles. The male, hard-boiled cops, become the love interests, the femme-fatals become the main characters. Bloody bonza stuff. She doesn’t simply write the same stuff as many others. She takes conventions and then does her own thing. Bonza.

Penny Wong

Okay, I’m not the most political of mammals. I’m not a fan of torturing people, but I also don’t know much about economic growth, and geography… maths… anything more recent than medieval history… and many, many other things. But I know that I like the way Penny Wong handles herself. She’s had dick-heads make meow noises at her, wankers pull faces as she talks, mainsplainers and manspreaders trying to take up her hard fought for time and space, and somehow she powers on. She just gives that cold hard stare, keeps her voice on that even keel and just keeps pushing on forward. She’s a national treasure. A bloody, bonza, national treasure!

Denise Scott

A list of bloody, bonza sheilas would not be complete without the bloody, bonzaest, farken sheila of them all, Denise Scott. A woman who knows what a uterus is, a woman who knows what a double uterus is. A woman who knows how to done a leotard in seconds flat. A woman who has been a clown, a comedian, an actress, and a lover. Not my lover, but hey, I’m open to suggestions. She’s an iconic Australian comedian that pretty much every Ozzie recognises. She’s been in recent hits, such as Winners and Losers, as well as older hits, such as The Big Gig. You name it, she’s done it. Walked on stilts, check. Seen artwork of a smoking vagina, check. Had a shitty time in a maternity ward, check. Sworn at audience members, check. Run, terrified away from an angry mob, check. Drank all the wine, check. If anyone is a bloody, bonza sheila, it’s Denise Scott.

I would have loved to have written about more bloody, bonza sheilas but my kids are going apeshit so I have to go. Help me out by mentioning your favourite bloody, bonza sheilas in the comment section.

Read about more bonza sheilas here: https://riedstrap.wordpress.com/2016/10/21/20-real-life-wonder-women/

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Denise Scott, Mother Bare: A Reflection Statement*

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Now when I go see a lady comedian I look for one thing,  and one thing alone, is there a lot of mention of vag. And I’m pleased to say Scotty not only delivered (oh yes, pun intended) but then gave even more. Some female comedians these days do a brief reference to the fanwah in order to tick off the stereotype but then move on to talking about other things like… I don’t know, not important things… cars or something? Not only did Scotty brush over the vajayjay she went deeper, much, much deeper.

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Yup, that’s right, Scotty went uterus deep. I don’t want to give away too much (“Spoilers Sweetie,” as the Whovians say) but her plunge into the female anatomy had one young gentleman so excited that he had to run out and Google prolapse before the show ended. He certainly looked far more satisfied when he returned so I can only imagine he found the answers he was looking forward.

I have to say that Scotty didn’t just inspire a love of learning in the runner but also in the young women in the audience. When asked what a bicornuate uterus was one young lass answered “like two,” following up with, “well, bi means two!”

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And of course it does. As an English teacher I can assure you her teacher would be proud. Very proud because knowing bi means two is one thing but knowing what cornuate (horn like) refers to is another level entirely. Have to admit I was picturing some sort of devil uterus with two horns, thank goodness I wasn’t asked because I can imagine that response would have opened up can of worms one show just couldn’t untangle.

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Cesareans,  episiotomies and bitches who get through birth with no vaginal woes also got a nod. So if you like your comedy vag focused, you’re in for a treat. I do, I’m not thinking of getting Judith Lucy’s signature on my pelvis for nothing.

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Apart from vages Scotty also told some stories of her early days doing stand up. I’m wondering if she is considering doing a “Where are they now” episode so that the rooster sucker can be heard over the voice over. “Suck my….” “Denise, do you remember this voice?” Oh my giddy aunt.

There were also some fantastic family stories that had us all rolling but again, Spoilers Sweetie. BUT I feel that I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that there are clown references and a photo is displayed at one point that is actually far creepier than the clown from Spawn. You have been warned.

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Highly recommend that you grab a ticket to one of the additional shows put on. It is seriously hilarious. Just do me a favour. Take a male with you. Preferably a male like my mate Pete who said to me, “The only thing I know about womb is it’s how you start to spell wombat and both are dirty, hairy and belong in the wild.”

* Why a reflection statement rather than a review?  Firstly, I’m not a reviewer so wouldn’t do reviewing justice. I mean I don’t even drink coffeeor smoke, which I’m told are the base level requirements. If they change the criteria to bitchy tea drinkers then I’m in. Secondly,  I’m going through my existential phase at the moment so relate everything back to my life these days. It’s been going for around 23 years now so I’m thinking I may be coming out of it soon.