The Real Truth Behind Who Rey’s Parents Are In Star Wars The Force Awakens

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Warning this is a groundbreaking, earth shattering, Star Wars spoilers. It’s about the new Disney ones. Stop reading now if you don’t want your world to be rocked and your mind to be blown…

I have uncovered the parentage of Rey, and it’s so obvi that you’ll kick yourself for not realising earlier. Rey is amazingly strong in the force. As in heaps better than anyone else. She can take on and beat Ren who has been extensively trained by not only Luke but also in the dark side, let’s presume by Stimpy. Regardless, he’s mega, super, awesomely, trained. Rey still beat Ren without training, people with training would struggle against him but she beat Ben… I mean Ren…. yeah, best code name ever Ben, I can imagine how it came about as some petty argument with his parents. Don’t call me Ben, my name is now, ummm, errrr, Ren, yeah, Ren, that’s totally different, so don’t call me Ben anymore. Regardless of how stupid his name change is, Rey beat a trained Skywalker who already has a history of two powerful Jedis (and one Sith), which means she needs to come from a lineage even more powerful than the Skywalkers. So I present to you the proud parents of Rey- Maz Kanata and Yoda.

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Search your heart, you know it to be true.

Yoda is without a doubt the most powerful Jedi in the history of time, in the history of ever. Maz Kanata, although not Jedi trained is hyper force sensitive. She’s like 1000 and doesn’t look a day over 300, the force is strong in that one for sure. So how did this happen?  Maz Kanata clearly has a thing for Chewie, quite simply, he’s just not that into her and Yoda is grass cutter. One night after one too many rejections from Chewie, Maz Kanata turned to Yoda and said, “I guess you’ll do.” When at 900 years old not so fussy you will be. So he took the pity relationship. And then something about an uber long gestational period… possibly caused by the magnitude of the force requiring extra incubation. And then there is the obvious family resemblance. Merge Yoda and Maz together and you totes get Rey. Totes.

Glad I could solve the mystery of Rey’s parentage for you. You’re welcome Earth and the rest of the universe.

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