Full disclosure, I have almost no clue what happened, I watched MKR instead. I caught a few pieces here and there in the ads so here’s the 7 things I took away from it:
1. Julia Morris is looking amazing. Has she gotten a new PT? Is she wearing a waist shrinker? Can I get one? Her breasts are defying gravity, they possibly have their own post code. There will be no Susan Sarandon sag type complaints about our JM.
2. The camera people have the worst sense of humour. The WORST! They laugh at weirdly positioned moments very loudly. I am growing to hate them.
3. Brendan Fevola spoke about his time in rehab. Probably the most interesting part. Either that or the fact that Paul Harrigan is a vegetarian. Everyone was shocked. So Fevola and Harrigan can have tie point 3 because they were equally interesting. Way more interesting than point 4.
4. Shane Warne entered the jungle and no fucks were given. He got made leader and still no fucks were given. I do wonder how long before ge starts hitting on the younger women. Admittedly he does his best work via text after a skin full, so he may hold out a bit, but hey, he did say he was keen for people to see the real him…
5. Joel and Heather probably outhost the hosts…
6. Gross stuff was done to Warney and Fevola… why do people want to see horrible things being done to people? If they had to build huts, or create fishing lines, I could get it. But just making them suffer totally pointless, artificial horrors, just seems awful.
7. I think the show would actually be better with less produced stunts and less comments from the hosts… so in short, if it actually was reality TV and not painful commercialism that just isn’t working… Although, one more production element would be useful, constantly flash up names. Seriously, I still have no clue who half of them are.
… but seriously, how good was MKR? I would be the worst contestant ever. The inevitable kitchen fire during a hail storm would happen. My MKR partner would look me deep in the eyes and give a stirring speech about how we can still pull everything together and the viewers would be sure we were about to be those wild- underdog-mavericks, who just pull it out of the bag, and I’d say… “Fuck that, let’s just put out smarties and vodka, I’m too old for this shit.” Meals would be out on time, they’d be delicious, the guests would be hammered and ver happy, but I think we’d be marked down on our prep, presentation, and whatever factors are in there. So here’s a bonus seven points, this time for MKR
1. I love how excited and positive Monique and Sarah were. They saw their aprons and cheered, they saw Manu and their loins cheered. They were just so happy. I also love that they served chips. I mean they only put three out which was total bullshit. I would have literally flipped the table and stormed out if I was served up three chips, but I loved that chips were on the menu… but only three… the three was bad. Chips good, three bad. But hooray for chips. Non of this waft of artichoke, massaged over a bed of olive mist, gently caressed with beetroot feelings. They served chips, and they wore thongs. Thank you.
2. Although Gianni and Zana have been advertised to be the villains of the piece I think Rosie and Paige are probably the dark horses to become the true biatches. They had snarky things to say about everyone… I obviously want to go drinking with them immediately. They would be hilarious. More Rosie and Paige. Sarcastic snarks unite. I shall definitely be having wine with future viewings so we can be gossipy besties having a laugh…. and occasionally I’ll need a giant gulp because they go from funny to just plain nasty.
3. Jordan and Anna are my favourite because I also have twin boys. That’s all it takes. I am betraying my state and loving the twins instead… even if only one is depicted. (Anna, please crack out the baby photos.)
4. Despite the very obvious eyeliner wings on Zana I’m not inspired to try it. The red lips were divine though. I’ll definitely be redding my lips for April again… I’m probably not going to try flaring my nostrils and pursing my lips every time somebody gives me food either.
5. Zana is trying to out Manu in sauce love… she’s not trying to out Manu him in food love manners. So Manu still wins. Hooray.
6. I really need to use more goats cheese. So do Monique and Sarah (burn).
7. I did find the whole making a big deal about the “cougar” angle a bit distasteful. They’re all consenting adults so making it into something tawdry didn’t sit well with me. But apart from that, I’m super excited to see more and get more cooking ideas. And to see if the next team beats 68 points.