Reasons Why I Might Cancel Last Minute

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1. I might be exhausted. I’ve got 1 year old twins and a 4 year old. That’s wonderful but exhausting.

2. One of the three kids could be exploding with vomit. They love to share illness and when they’re sick they need mum.

3. My babysitter fell through.

4. I don’t feel comfortable going out at night. I haven’t felt safe being on my own at night since I was raped at 16. I really do make an effort to do things at night but it makes me physically ill each and every time. Don’t get mad at me for the times I don’t go, please be thankful for the times I do go because it is seriously a big fucking deal for me each and every time. And yes, I might be meeting you somewhere so you think I’m not out alone at night but the journey there and back is on my own. It doesn’t matter how you try to convince me that my fears are stupid they are still there. Generally I just say no straight out to evening events but I have been trying to expand my confidence. I can’t always get myself over that line. You want me over that line, then you need to walk with me over it. Simple.

5. You’ve invited me and my kids and the kids will be batshit crazy tired and angry and I just can’t put them through that.

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6 responses »

  1. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing. I love that you said that if someone wants something they need to walk you over that line. We all need to do far more walking over that line with each other.

    • Thanks for understanding. I rarely talk about it becomes people often respond to others difficulties with – well we all have a hard life – rather than compassion. Makes it very hard to open up with others about the terror inside.

    • True. But people do have other commitments to other people. And they have their own little quirks too which might require that they’re off doing their own thing being fabulous and shmoozing whilst I’m lathered up having an anxiety. It’s just a mismatch of issues. It feels shit, and some people are just plain shit, but others have their own issues that they’re white knuckling it through too… life sucks. I wish people had the capacity to be more understanding but unfortunately people are so jaded that any deviation for them is an inconvenience rather than a different but equally good journey. Now I’m rambling… but yeah, fuck those people! Be nice ya bastards!

  2. Wow thank you for opening up, its brilliant. Thank you for reading my post I hope it didn’t upset you too much! X

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