My Predictions for #TheBachelorAU This Week

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After carefully sorting through the “leaked” information for The Bachelor Australia for this week I am pretty confident that I can predict the events of what we shall see this week.

1. Rebecca tells Nina she is surprised that Sam is with someone of her size. This is very obviously calling Nina fat, Nina explodes, Rebecca plays the victim pretending she wasn’t saying that but she so totally was. Rebecca then leaves the house pretending she’s a victim when she was a straight up bitch and should not have said it.

2. Emily gets put in the bottom two with Nina and walks out claiming she can’t be in the bottom with such a crazy psycho, code for: I can’t be in the bottom because I’m just so pretty. Crazy psycho being code for: we bitches don’t like it when our victims stand up for themselves. There’s a storm out, Sam thinks, yeah but nah, I won’t chase that. Emily leaves.

3. There will also be intruders and shit.

4. Everybody gets pregnant… yet they were all pregnant before the show started, so now they’re all double pregnant. I’m looking forward to triple pregnant.

5. Aliens? I dunno, I zoned out part way through my “research.”

You’re welcome Earth.

Now let’s see how close I am.

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