People often say to me, “Robin, you’ve got three under three, how do you do it? I struggle with just one/two.” I answer them as honestly as I know how, “I do it with a lot of grace, dignity and glamour.” So they ask me, “how Robin, how, can I be as graceful, dignified and glamorous, as you?” And you know what, the answer is simple.
Start everyday by doing a load of washing… with your feet, you’ll need to use your hands to make bottles for the newborn twins, whilst doing that awkwardly hoist your toddler onto your back and scoop up twins with arms now free from bottles, put twins down whilst you get toddler milk at whatever temperature is specified today, sit down to feed twins, realise you don’t have the bottles, prop twins up on couch whilst screaming over your shoulder at your toddler to stop rubbing the babies heads and that no they don’t need her kisses because she has childcare plague, twins cough, vent a little steam from ears to reduce possibility of eye twitch, get bottles, haul kiss happy toddler off twins, start to feed twins, develop third arm to hug toddler and a fourth to guard twins from toddler love attacks, try to explain to toddler that no she can’t have one of the babies and that although “give baby to big sister right now!” is quite an interesting argument that it fails to address some of the finer philosophical points surrounding the issue, burp twins, burp toddler who does not need to be burped but thinks it’s hilarious, she’s right I am funny (and sexy), finish feeding boys, oh no you only think you’ll finish feeding the twins as toddler needs the potty, throw the twins to the heavens and scramble to find the potty which your husband has put “out of the way” whilst tripping over, have a potty chat always full of metaconversation, empty potty, finish feeding twins, start developing that eye twitch you thought you’d circumvented earlier, change boys nappies whilst being yelled at to “do piggy tails!” it is now 8am, put on “Frozen” because you’re brain is becoming frozen, lose track of time and space… fold the laundry whilst rocking at the end of the day.
Now of course not all days go as perfectly to plan as the one outlined above and for those days I say use “selfie aware” parenting. Here’s a little sample from today. I was changing the twins’ nappies and the toddler crawled up onto my shoulders, totes part of the plan so far, things went slightly awry when the toddler peeed on my back and twin 2 seized the opportunity to pee on his brother’s arm. So what did I do? Took a selfie. Because quite frankly at that point there’s really nothing you can do and at least you’ll have the precious memory digitally immortalised. So if in doubt, tweet a selfie out.
You’re welcome Earth.