Impractical Parenting: how to have a fairy tale pregnancy

Lessons I learned from fairy tales –

(Love this artwork from http://dinagoldstein.com/ )

Wicked stepsisters: your family and the inlaws will go mental when you are pregnant,  even more mental if they already are mental.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair: sure you’ll have glossy hair on your head but you’ll be a wildersavage all over

Sleeping beauty: you’ll be tired all through your first and third trimester and on top of that you’ll be gassy.

Cinderella fetch me my wig: people will suddenly need you to do everything for them, the thought of losing you once the baby comes will bring out their clingy me me me attitude.

The emperors new clothes: just go nude it’s too hot for anything else.

The little mermaid: you’ll feel fat and cumbersome even in aqua aerobics.

The frog prince: your husband is a toad one minute then a prince the next.

Cinderella scrub the floor: you’ll want to clean everything and anyone who gets in your way is the enemy.

Fi fi fo fum I smell the blood of an English man: you will crave things, not necessarily weird things, probably just watermelon but if you don’t get it you will hulk up.

Puss in boots: occasionally you’ll insist on wearing high heeled boots so you can out hot celebrity mums. It’s your crazy pregnancy hormones talking,  don’t listen.

Snow White: retreating to the woods for some time out probably isn’t such a bad idea.

The nightingale: if you are put on bed rest you will go stir crazy.

Fairest of them all: sure you’re skin looks great, you’ve been sweating up a storm vomiting all the time. Toxins don’t have a chance to set in with you constantly doing the old heave ho.