Doctor Whodiac


For those of you who love Timelords and need more out of your horoscopes.



Zomies (March 21- April 19)

You hear a rumour that the apocalypse is approaching. You start buying canned goods and large bags of ice to keep your milk cold. Your neighbours think you’re crazy but you’ll soon show them.


Chelomiaus (April 20- May 20)

Beans are not your friend this week. Gas is moving across Uranus so it’s best to stick to leafy greens and plenty of water.


Florani (May 21- June 20)

You can’t seem to escape politics. Every time you pick up a newspaper, magazine, turn on the radio or TV, politicians are banging on. They make no sense to you. You watch Terry Jones’s Brazil, it makes more sense.


Kletchoner (June 21- Jul 22)

You spend your time looking up comedy sketches of Doctor Who. Unfortunately every second clip you find is a dog licking its owner’s foot.


Apalapuciao (Jul 23- Aug 22)

You do some research on evolution. Hoping to track down exactly what point monkeys turned into apes. Sadly you find out that humans didn’t come from Neanderthals, we killed them.


Biblioso (Aug 23- Sept 22)

Avoid dairy products. You have a curdling touch this month so may find dairy to be quite upsetting on the tum tum.


Althracra (Sept 23- Oct 22)

You think about sending candid photos of yourself to the Moffinator in order to get on Who. Don’t do it, he’ll take out a restraining order.



Laborio (Oct 23- Nov 21)

You read that Disney bought Star Wars. You bitterly wish they’d buy Who so that you could go to Who Land. You read the Chloe Prime Diaries ( and it refills you with childlike wonder.


Persisius (Nov 22- Dec21)

How many chucks would a wood chuck cuck? Who cares? It’s like forever until the Christmas special and you’re in a mood. Try candle making.


Mechunuscorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)

You think that your neighbour is Timelord so camp out and watch him all day long. You havecameras on him at all times and tap his phone. Knock knock knock. Who’s there? THE POLICE


Matravius (Jan 20- Feb 18)

You can’t stop thinking about cake. Your loved ones try to communicate with you but all you can think of is cake. Go on, have a slice of cake. What’s the worst that could happen?


Gallifres (Feb 19- March 20)

Your creative juices are flowing. You sign up for NaNoWriMo with the plan of writing Ewok/Doctor Who crossover fan fiction. Winners are grinners.

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