Confessions of a Mad Mooer: Tara Moss Vs Me in the Morning

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I woke up this morning, grabbed an eight month old twin under each arm, waddled into my 3 year olds room, told her to jump on mummies back (her legs are apparently broken in the morning so she must be carried), then lunged into the lounge room where I dumped my kids and began to make breakfast. I looked something like this – (see picture below)

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And by something I mean exactly like this, that's me sitting on the can this morning.

I changed nappies and underpants,  dispensed breakfast,  have a long and complicated conversation with my three year old about the ecological implications of capturing and keeping a fairy and make fart noises with my baby boys. They think fart jokes are the highest form of humour,  they’re right. Get my little Star Child off to preschool and my boys off to bed and then check my Facebook as I make my morning cup of tea. Mumma needs her morning cup of tea or things go very badly for everyone. What should I come across on Facebook but Tara Moss. Gosh darned, beautiful, intelligent, successful, efferbloodyvescent, writing, mumma, Tara Moss, in the morning.

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Talented writer and mother Tara Moss in the morning

I haven’t even had breakfast yet and she’s managed to have a photo shoot… with cowboy boots!!! So I’ve decided to have cake for breakfast. That is all.

If you happen to be fifty shades of crae crae you may wish to join my group for “emotionally complex ladies.”

https://facebook.com/groups/563402577109194

Confessions of a Mad Mooer: letter to a friend

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True, but I'll keep on trying to help regardless.

I have a friend who is doing it tough at the moment so I wanted to let her know that I thought she was great particularly after she was visibly upset after a mutual person we know made several insensitive remarks. I tried to put those remarks into a better context and wrote to her. At the end she said thank you and she was so glad that I understood her. Later, however, she did spiral downwards. So I’m putting up this letter for anyone else doing it tough. Hopefully it will touch someone and make them know they are not alone before the darkness becomes too much. With much love here is my letter to a friend.

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Your childhood was not awesome. I’m sure there were happy moments but what your parents did was just plain shit. You don’t give up on your own child. You do not ship them off for somebody else tp deal with. Now as adults we can realise that your parents didn’t give up on you they actually gave up on themselves and tried to put you with a better option. Clearly stupid and wrong to do and clearly a child is going to feel abandoned,  anxious, unloved and deeply worthless. Not something any healthy parent wants for their child. So clearly the wrong choice no matter how “right” the reason was. What your parents did would be considered unforgivable by many. But you are such a good person that you’re actually trying. Here’s the thing, reparations in “the circle of security” are the parents job, not the child’s. You don’t need to reach out,  they do. And for how long do they need to reach out? Until you feel it, until you’re 100% secure in your relationship with them. “I’ve tried for 10 years and that’s how long she was gone for,” does not even come close to cutting it. That upheaval was done when you were too young to have a voice so it’s deep and needs lots of effort on their behalf. So you don’t need to reach out to them they need to reach out to you. In fact reaching out to them only makes it worse every time they don’t reach back because it only reinforces that message of “I’m not worthy.” It’s like if you’re thirsty and you go to the tap and no water comes out. you feel worse each time it doesn’t come out. even worse than had you not gone. So put your parents on the back burner. No need to text message or Facebook or call trying to seek out their support or pride. They need to volunteer it willingly with open arms for it to matter. So don’t pursue them with a nice dinner or a lovely message or any of the millions of little things you do to try to make them see you. They’re the ones who fucked up, they need to do 100% of the pursuing. Sure welcome it but don’t pursue it back. This is not a fifty fifty street. So I think try to dull down any thoughts to do with them. let yourself off the hook and put them on it. Not with the odd angry word just calmly disengage and let them do all of the legwork. It’s their job. They’re your parents.

Now I am going somewhere with this. I know what X (removing the name) said was to do with your secure base for  your little girl.  That’s just the context for what I’m about to say. I haven’t totally lost the plot yet.

Because you did not have a secure base, your parents were evidently in an emotional tractor accident where they lost their metaphorical hands, you are super sensitive to suffering. You hear the crying and it doesn’t just make “shark music” it tears your soul apart

The idea of your kids, or anyone else feeling that kind of pain is too much. Hence I think she’s worried that you’ll unintentionally avoid the situation and cause some anxiety around the secure hands. Not like your parents caused. Definitely not! There’s no way she’s stupid enough to think that! I think she’s just worried that the pain will make you shut down.

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Now here’s the catch about your kids crying. They’re not you. They haven’t been abandoned. They are not suffering. You are there for them. You are a great mum who is doing her best.

But even though you are there for them and they aren’t suffering like you were it’s hard not to get that emotional response because it has been drummed into you. “You’re not worthy,  you’re not worth the effort. ” And your husband has just sent you that message again with his carry on with his “mate’s mum” bullshit. And the hospital cancelling and then giving you the wrong number just builds up in you. A very raw time for you. But you are worthy and you are worth the effort.

Put it in perspective. You were treated quite poorly by your parents (understatement of the century), but you’re such a good person you actually still talk to them. Your husband is being a prick at the moment and you haven’t kicked him out. And your kids, you’ve got a threenager and a reflux baby,  that’s fucking hard, and despite not having good roll models for sticking by when the going gets tough you hang in there. You haven’t left them. You’ve stayed in their lives, in their home, in their sights. Well done chicken! That’s beyond fucking amazing. I think it’s about time you said, “Fuck this shit, I’m amazing and I won’t carry your burdens any longer, I’m going to take care of me and the kids.” Let the people responsible for wronging you in your personal life come to you, forget about pursuing them as they continue to distance themselves. Time for you to distance and them pursue. Put that pain on hold and focus on cuddles with the kids. Bring them in close and hug them twice as much. Once for them and once for you as a little girl. Your parents make comments like “relax” or other stupid shit just ignore it, distance yourself,  stop talking to them and turn around and hug your kids/self. Because seriously,  chill/relax, how fucking chilled and relaxed were they to abandon their daughter,  fuck that, they don’t get to give advice until they’ve made amends. And that husband of yours… hmmmm… he’s an insecure, spoilt, brat who is wholly taking advantage of your insecurity and abandonment issues. There, I said it. He’s being a jerk because he can be. He knows you’ll keep pursuing him because you want a deep and loving connection. And you deserve one and it’s about time he gave you one. No more begging for attention by cleaning the way he likes or doing stuff that makes it harder for you just because he likes it. Next time he flips out about your whereabouts you very calmly and firmly say, “No, you don’t get to question my integrity. I have been a good and loyal wife and mother, I have not snap chatted my vag to a “mate’s mum” that was you, my integrity is not in question, you may not divert attention from what you have been up too by randomly blaming me for imaginary wrongs.” Then calmly walk away to another room or hang up. And if he flares up and gets aggressive or lays so much as a finger on you get those precious kids and pack up and leave next time he is at work. You do not want your daughter thinking it is ok for her husband to yell at her and you don’t want you bear cub thinking he can yell at his wife. Don’t return until he heals the rift he has caused… although if he lays a hand on you don’t return ever. Now that seems all very practical but of course emotionally it isn’t that easy. “But I’m not worthy he won’t make amends.” If he doesn’t it is because he is too small, it is a reflection on his character not yours. You’re great, you’re flaw is putting up with too much and not valuing yourself enough, not being a bad person. So what if he doesn’t make amends. What’s the worst that can happen? He bangs on about how he’ll take the kids but he won’t actually be able too and you’ll get free accommodation at your parents house… let’s face it they owe you at the very least 10 years rent free plus all the add ons for emotional suffering. So the worst that could happen is that you gather up money whilst your parents get a chance to really make it up to you through taking care of you and your kids. And the best is that you break this negative cycle with your husband and he finally comes out of his shell and reaches out and steps up to be the husband and father that he deep down wants to be but has had it so easy and so good that he’s just become a spoilt little boy who acts on every whim he has because he’s been living in a consequence free world. At the very least he needs to never invite that woman who shipped her son off because he was “too hard” into your house again. Granted she’s obviously as nuts as us with huge issues but her issues are going to traumatise you so you need to look after yourself before you can look after others. She can be cared for by her loved ones, Lord knows she needs it.

So the new world order is you, then the kids, then the husband,  then the parents. I’d actually insert then the friends in front of hubby and parents for a while so we can energise you and bolster you up a bit so that you can feel confident enough to love you. Now you take care of your beautiful self and those beautiful kids.

You have a good heart. Granted your “picker” is broken but that’s understandable. You’ve surrounded yourself with selfish bastards who don’t appreciate you not because you’re a bad or unworthy person who deserves shit but because you didn’t have someone model to you what a true connection is. Now you’ve got to flip flop around and learn it all yourself which is bloody hard. But never think that you have arseholes surrounding you because you have a character defect because that’s not true. Your character is fine, just a bit shaky for obvious reasons,  they have the character defect. The reason they’re with you is because everybody else told them to fuck off before they got too close. Unfortunately with your broken “picker” you didn’t. Never too late to say now is the day I get respect. Quietly and calmly distance yourself from the arseholes and embrace all good things openly. You deserve it.

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Trust me, I'm crazy.

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R U OK?

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R U OK?

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Look after yourself today. Switch on your parasympathetic nervous system. Time for you to calm not shine. Bliss out with plenty of B vitamins,  zinc, magnesium,  omega 3&6, and iron. Love yourself and love your friends. Reach out and relax.

Any crae crae ladies out there looking for online shoulders to lean on, or a place to chill out and laugh, come and join my bunch of merry men https://facebook.com/groups/563402577109194

Wisdom Teeth Removal: Lament of One Allergic to Codeine

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Losing the mind game with the whole left wisdom socket pain level. Don’t be allergic to codeine because if you are nobody will prescribe you pain medication because everything without codeine that is strong is apparently so mega awesome that you’ll become an addict instantly. So much so that with a three year old and eight month old twins you’ll evidently find the time to track it down on the black market to feed your addiction once tje appropriate amount prescribed is gone??? So don’t be allergic to codeine because otherwise it’s a big stuff you, stay in pain, thus increasing your acid levels making you more susceptible to yet another bout of Pancreatitis… in other words, screw all medical professionals who assume that everyone allergic to codeine either needs to “tough it out” or are drug addicts! I hope they all get codeine allergies! So to make it clear, medical professionals,  people allergic to codeine wanting pain medication are NOT drug addicts nor superhuman freaks able to withstand infected wisdom tooth socket after a botched removal which involved heaving about so much the dentist slipped and took a massive chunk out of my mouth. I am angry! I need to take care of three kids and have been in so much pain I can’t open my left eye properly for almost a week yet I can’t be given pain relief because codeine causes Pancreatitis in me. So fuck you! Yep, that’s right,  fuck you. Enjoy prescribing pain meds for celebs who can actually take codeine and keep on denying it to people you’ve butchered and have allergies to codeine so are actually the proper people to get it.

Bah! BAH!

Sipping on camomile tea like it’s going out of style!

If anybody knows of any natural pain relief products please tell me. I’m on antibiotics and taking nurofen and panadol but for the left wisdom socket that is now infected it isn’t relieving the pain at all. Need relief whilst the antibiotics kick in been taking them for three days now. Plus the wound on the left side hasn’t sealed so any tips on that I’m happy for too. Ugh… Waaaaaaa. :-(

Book Review: Destination Cambodia by Walter Mason

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Destination Cambodia by Walter Mason, Published by Allen & Unwin

Firstly, I had to argue with a very stubborn three year old to be able to read this. She insists that it has a princess on the cover and that it is hers. I still periodically find that she has nabbed it from bookcase and placed it on her own. I am thoroughly glad that I persisted through my battles with the Dictator to read it because it was fantastic.

I’m not a massive fan of Travel Writing,  if you hand me a copy of “The Lonely Planet Guide” I’m a bit WTF is all this boring text. This book however is far from boring. It takes you through the heart warming and hysterical adventures of the writer,  Walter Mason, in Cambodia.  Through these personal stories I got a real sense of the vibrancy of Cambodia. I yearned to be merrily drunk and wanting ro belt out Cher in some dusty Karaoke Bar with Walter Mason, I wanted to smell those same beautiful fragrances and more importantly I wanted to embrace the people he met. This book actually gave me a desire to see Cambodia for its heart, not simply hopping from tourist location to location. Beautiful,  just beautiful… as was said in “Destination Cambodia’s” predecessor “Destination Saigon. “

Review also on Good Reads – https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1046867466

Book Review: The Impossible Quest – Escape From Wolfhaven Castle ~ by Kate Forsyth

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It’s an obvious comment to make but it’s true, The Impossible Quest is impossibly good.

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The Impossible Quest by Kate Forsyth, published by Scholastic, 2014

“Tell your lord to beware,” the wild man said, gripping Tom’s arm with a dirty hand. “The wolves smell danger.”

From the opening lines the reader is thrown straight into the action. Who is the wild man, how does he know what the are wolves saying, and why must Tom tell his Lord? Such action and curiosity lures the reader on and Kate Forsyth keeps the reader baited with masterful storytelling throughout the entire novel. I should know, because this reader read the whole thing in one bath sitting. I must admit I topped up the hot water a few times to keep on reading just one more chapter.

This story is meant for upper primary students, who I know would love this (my niece can be expecting her own copy for Christmas… no she can’t have mine I want to read it again!), but also adults will enjoy this. It is written in that sweeping epic style of Feist, Eddings, McCaffrey and Jordan that will keep adults happy but with the youthful exuberance of Rowling and Rodda which the kids will love. Kate Forsyth has even managed to give an elegant nod to the classics with beautifully chosen character names that are reminiscent of Arthurian legend. The Impossible Quest: Escape from Wolfhaven Castle manages to be delightfully magical, darkly adventurous, deeply passionate, with a dash of whimsy, all at the same time.

And as for the ending… I don’t want to give it away (“Spoilers Sweetie,” as the Whovians say) but it manages to be utterly enchanting, a satisfying resolution yet an absolute cliff hanger all in one. My mind is officially blown.

Kids will be sneakily reading it when you’ve dragged them to boring social functions and adult Fantasy fans will finally have that perfect sized book to read on the train. All in all a wonderfully written book and yes, I’m hanging out for the sequel.

Review now also on Good Reads https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1046853563

Confessions of a Mad Mooer: how to get that Hollywood look when you wake up

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Confessions of a Mad Mooer: how to get that Hollywood look when you wake up

Dear Hollywood,

Please see attached what people really look like first thing in the morning.

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Take careful note of the inability to find the energy to close ones mouth as a result of being woken up at 3am for the last three nights in a row by the little Princess who will not go back to sleep until 5am followed by the twins waking up at 6am. Also the hair that took a whole night of tossing and turning to create not a mere few hours of brushing and glossing like the magazines would have us think. So in short, that “first thing in the morning look” takes all night to create not hours… That doesn’t seem like a valid argument to be making… My point is… I’m tired and I would like a nap? Waaaaaa.

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No.

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No!

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Yes!!